I was reminded by a fellow blogger that I hadn’t written the obligatory post about today being Groundhog’s Day, and since the whole blog thing is about traffic and buzz words I felt obligated to indulge him. So here goes. I hate that lil Groundhog and I hate Groundhog’s Day. In fact, I hate groundhogs. Having never seen one in person I have no grounds for this hatred but it is absolutely genuine I assure you. At the current hour, I have four inches of snow in my front yard, so I fail to see the need to rely upon a furry little rabies incubator to tell me that Winter isn’t over. I wasn’t exactly preparing the board shorts and readying the Margaritaville paraphernalia awaiting today’s big reveal anyways, but seriously… isn’t it time to put this tradition to rest?
For those of you who love this annual and strikingly odd tradition – more power to you – you crazy and delusional souls, but I hope you don’t bet the farm on the results turned out by the famous little land beaver / woodchuck / whistle-pig. Punxsutawney Phil has about the prognosticating prowess of a shiny Nickel – which places him only two steps ahead of the local weather man and the Former Vice President turned environmental propagandist Al Gore. Don’t get me wrong, I love traditions, I love holidays, and I even love animals – notwithstanding my aforementioned hatred for groundhogs – maybe throw in squirrels and pigeons for good measure and accuracy. That being said, this tradition is utterly “retarded” – to steal a word from Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel. Why must the wonderful people of Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania still rely upon the forecasting talents of a creature that resides in a tree stump when we have decades worth of meteorological advancements with an extensive track record of being utterly inaccurate? Why do they need to hold on to this little tradition to perpetuate the stereotype of unreliability in weather prediction when we have so many modern vehicles for doing just that without all the pomp and circumstance? Can’t they just rely on Doppler 76.3 or whatever the hell the latest version is like the rest of us?
For those of you who will undoubtedly get upset about this post – and by that I mean those of you who live in Pennsylvania – I am terribly sorry if I have offended you. I know there is a large Amish population within your borders, but I was simply unaware that they had complete run of all things technological there at this point in the game. I thought a few modern innovations had seeped their way into your wonderful state making such traditions unnecessary - and your lovely bread cabinets all the more beautiful for their craftsmanship. I guess more accurately, I should apologize to the people of Punxsutawney. I am sorry if I have offended you even though not a single resident of your blessed little town will be reading this as you are inevitbely the only community in this great country that still relies upon newspapers for their “news” and because the unknown universe that is the Internet has undoubtedly evaded you all thus far.
For those of you who now think I hate the state of Pennsylvania, I should tell you that I think it is a fine commonwealth. Excluding Arlen Specter, I would even say it is a fine commonwealth with an abundance of fine people. I have enjoyed my travels through the Keystone State and would suggest to anyone within driving distance of the 41st Happiest state in the country to head to New Hope, PA and check out a quaint little restaurant called Karla’s; and when you get there be sure to try the “Eggs Eleni.” If its no longer on the menu… ask for it. They may look at you a little funny, but trust me… they’ll know what you’re talking about.
So that was it. That’s all I got. Happy Groundhog’s Day… Enjoy the next six weeks of Winter… or the start of Spring????
Scratcher over at Makes My Brain Itch just declared a fatwa on the furry little rat.
Pennsylvania Gov. Ed Rendell has declared a state of emergency because of the pounding we took in last night’s snowstorm…
Ya think?!
What he should have declared is a fatwa against a certain overgrown rat.
Get a load of southwestern PA this afternoon… And did I mention it’s still snowing?
LMAO … you remind me of Dave Barry when you get snarky! I LOVE IT!
Well thank you. That’s quite a compliment. Truthfully though, I think he is exceptionally funny and uniquely talented whereas I may just be an A-hole. We both work with what we’ve been given. Thanks again.
Great post man. I had to google dave barry but you do sound a lot like him when your being a smartass. That guy is funny as all hell though. I have been reading his articles for at least an hour. Thanks Patrick for introducing me to him.
Yeah Manny that guy won a Pulitzer back in the day. I think it was late 80′s before they became uptight pseudo intellectual A-holes lacking in even an ounce of a sense of humor. I am humbled by the comparison but shutter to think of myself worthy of such praise. That guy is a legend. He transcends politics and writing in a way that I could only dream of doing. In all honesty, this post was nothing more than ten minutes of rambling to get a blogmate off my back. Maybe that should be the model going forward – less is best.
I’ve actually been to the restaurant you are suggesting. I live in Allentown and have family over that way. They have fabulous seafood and it is such a cute location. Small world huh? I love the post too by the way. I am not familiar with Dave Barry but I will check him out now if it is similar to this.
Thank you M. I guess it is a small world then isn’t it? See everyone, take my advice and check it out.
While I can’t speak for every resident of Pennsyltucky, I personally don’t bear you a grudge over this. I don’t like the furry little bugger myself.
EVERY YEAR since I’ve moved here, someone tries to talk me into going to this “event”. PA in February is freezing. PA in February at the butt-crack of dawn is something I don’t care if I never experience.
(Although I’ve wondered… how can you tell if the overgrown rat actually sees his shadow or not with all the TV lights that they have shining in his beady little eyes?)
The comment is sincerely appreciated Scratcher. I am glad to hear that I won’t be blacklisted by all Pennsylvanians. If there’s one of you there I bet there are many. Stupid little tradition.